LET'S SPEAK ENGLISH:
SEVENTH TALK - VOCABULARY

OUTLINE

I. Use of so-called English words in PINGLISH (that is, in Palestinian English):

a) LIFT instead of FURNITURE VAN
b) BETON instead of CONCRETE
c) BENZINE instead of PETROL
d) TYPHUS instead of TYPHOID
e) PAPPATAZZIA instead of SAND-FLY FEVER

II. DOCTOR, MISTER, ESQUIRE and SIR.

III. The incorrect use of:
OCCASIONALLY instead of BY CHANCE.
ACTUAL instead of IMMINENT, or TOPICAL
EVENTUALLY instead of POSSIBLY SPIRITUAL instead of WITTY.

IV. The proper meaning of:

IN PRINCIPLE
COMPROMISE
IMPARTIAL

TRANSCRIPT: SEVENTH TALK - VOCABULARY

I'm afraid I've still got a bit of a cold. I hear that some of you who listened in last week have also got colds. I'm sorry if you caught them from me.

To prevent any further infection, will you please sit well away from your wireless? Thank you.

Last week I discussed a few English adjectives. This evening I'm going to talk about some foreign words that have found their way into Palestinian English.

Let's begin with LIFT, Now in English, a LIFT means only one thing. A LIFT's a small cage at the end of a rope which takes people up and down in buildings. In America it's called an ELEVATOR, in France un ASCENSEUR, in Germany ein FAHRSTUHL.

But in Germany, the word LIFT is used for something very different. There, a LIFT is a huge wooden box in which household goods are packed for transport. But in English that's called a FURNITURE VAN.

Many such FURNITURE VANS have come to Palestine with recent immigrants from Germany. They're now used as garages, tool-sheds, wash-houses; or even as houses for people to live in. But their German name LIFT has stuck to them and has become part of Palestinian English, or what I call PlNGLISH. So if you don't want to speak PINGLISH, you must call them, not LIFTS, but FURNITURE VANS

Now when people who live in FURNITURE VANS get tired of seeing 'Hamburg to Haifa' painted on the side, they borrow some money and build themselves a house. The house is usually of CONCRETE. But if they're PINGS, who speak PINGLISH, they say their houses are made of BETON: Now BETON is a French word, and there's no reason why it should be used when you're talking another language. So let's use CONCRETE.

But although we may use CONCRETE for the outside walls of our house, the inside walls are often made of thin brick. That, however, has two great advantages. First of all it enables you to overhear, through the partition wall, everything your neighbour is saying in the next room. Secondly, if you hammer a nail into the wall, you can hang your hat up on one side. Then you can go round the other side of the wall and hang up your coat.

Another French word, like BETON, that's used in PINGLISH is BENZINE. The English word for BENZINE is PETROL, which comes from PETROLEUM. And PETROLEUM is derived from two Latin words PETRA and OLEUM which mean mineral and oil. Now PETROL is refined PETROLEUM and is used as motor fuel. The only thing called BENZINE in English is a still more highly refined petrol used solely for cleaning purposes. So if you want fuel for your car, you should call it PETROL.

Many motor drivers carry a spare tin of PETROL on the side of their car for emergencies. I have an aunt in England who has a motor-car. One day, while she was out in the country, the car ran out of PETROL. The driver had to walk many miles in the pouring rain to the nearest town to buy a new tin. Meanwhile my aunt sat in the car. When the driver came back, she said, "Harrison, what's that in the tin on the side of the car?" "Oh! that's PETROL, ma'am, in case of emergencies."

Another word in Palestine that's used in its wrong meaning is TYPHUS. You often hear some one say cheerfully, "Oh! yes, he's got TYPHUS.''. Now TYPHUS is an extremely dangerous and highly infectious disease, often fatal, which spreads like a plague. What people really mean is TYPHOID. TYPHOID'S a much milder disease, and usually not fatal. So don't tell me you've got TYPHUS when you've only got TYPHOID. I've a weak heart and I can't stand shocks.

Another common disease in Palestine is called, in PINGLISH, PAPPATAZZIA. But its English name is SAND-FLY FEVER. PAPPATAZZIA comes from two Italian words which mean to touch and to be silent. For the sand-fly that bites you steals silently away. It's not like the mosquito that at least you can hear and whack at with your bed-slipper.

You're bound to get SAND-FLY FEVER in Palestine -sooner or later. When you do, you'll have to see a DOCTOR. Now in England, the title DOCTOR is used almost entirely by medical practitioners. But in Germany, nearly every university man has the title DOCTOR. I'm often addressed by visitors as DOCTOR because they can't possibly believe that l'm just a plain MISTER. But there are quite enough medical DOCTORS in Palestine as it is without everyone else calling themselves DOCTORS too. So I suggest we confine the term DOCTOR to the men who make us put out our tongues and feel our pulse and shake their heads and look solemn. All the rest of us are MISTERS - the gentlemen, I mean.

Now MISTER in English is a form of the mediaeval title MASTER. The word MASTER itself comes from the Latin MAGISTER and is thus akin to the, English word MAGISTRATE. So it's a title of considerable importance and just as imposing as DOCTOR.

In polite English you may address a stranger as MISTER JONES. But if you want to write him a letter, you must put Edward Jones ESQUIRE on the envelope, if he's a gentleman. It's not easy, of course, to decide who is a gentleman and who isn't. In England you usually use MISTER on envelopes sent to tradesmen. But to those who are gentlemen by birth or by rank or by education you write ESQUIRE. And you never use MISTER and ESQUIRE on the same envelope. Originally gentlemen were those who had the right to bear arms. The word ESQUIRE, which was put after their name, comes from the Latin word SCUTARIUS - a shield, In Palestine, lots of people bear arms. I suppose, strictly speaking, many of our visitors from Syria and Trans-Jordan are entitled to ESQUIRE after their names.

Now you can say SIR to an Englishman if he's your official chief or if he's an elderly man. And you can write 'Dear Sir' at the beginning of a formal letter. But you shouldn't put SIR on the envelope unless the man has received a knighthood from the King. Sir is also used by baronets whose title is higher than that of knights. But there, are no baronets in· Palestine. So in Palestine you only write SIR on the envelope. SIR Edward Jones - when you're writing to a knight; not otherwise.

When you're talking about a knight, for Heaven's sake don't say 'Sir Jones'. You must say 'Sir Edward Jones', or, if you're well-acquainted, you can say 'Sir Edward' It's only in PINGLISH that you say 'Sir Jones. And you don't want everyone to know you're a PING.

Now you can always tell a PING by the way he behaves if you offer to help him on with his overcoat. In England, it's ordinary politeness, whenever a visitor leaves your house, for you to hold his overcoat while he gets his arms into it. In Russia and Eastern Europe it's customary for a servant to do this for the guest. I admit it's very embarrassing for anyone not brought up in England to allow his host to do the work of a servant. But if an Englishman tries to help you on with your overcoat, don't slide away and get very red and struggle into it yourself with your arms over your head. If you don't want to be known as a PING you must use all your self- control, stand still, and allow your English host to help you.

I'm now going to discuss some familiar phrases in PINGLISH, The first is the use of the word OCCASIONALLY. The other day I asked someone where he had first met a girl. He was a PING, so he said, 'I was looking out of my window and I saw her OCCASIONALLY'. What he meant was that he saw her BY CHANCE, accidentally and without design.

OCCASIONALLY can only be used when something happens several times and irregularly. A naughty boy can say boastfully, "I steal apples OCCASIONALLY," meaning that he has done so several times, whenever he gets the opportunity. But if he's caught by the owner of the orchard he says, "Please, mister, I was just walking under the tree, when an apple dropped down BY CHANCE." He doesn't say, 'An apple dropped down OCCASIONALLY'. He says, 'BY CHANCE'. But no-one will believe it was BY CHANCE and I hope he'll get the spanking he deserves.

Another common mistake in PINGLISH is in the use of the word ACTUAL. In correct English, ACTUAL means REAL. There's an ACTUAL shortage of food in Shanghai and an ACTUAL shortage of common-sense in Palestine.

But in PINGLISH, ACTUAL is used instead of TOPICAL, or IMMINENT. TOPICAL refers to current events. A PING will say that a book is ACTUAL when he means it's TOPICAL and has been published just at the right moment. Or you may hear a young female PING say, 'My baby's arrival is ACTUAL'. What she means is that her baby's arrival is IMMINENT or is about to happen in the immediate future.

Another word that's often used in the wrong place is EVENTUALLY. In PINGLAND, no one says, 'I shall POSSIBLY need a bath tonight'. A PING says 'I shall EVENTUALLY need a bath tonight'. Now EVENTUALLY means 'in the end' or 'the ultimate result'. I suppose if one waits long enough, a bath is EVENTUALLY necessary. But if its only a question of tonight, you use POSSIBLY and not EVENTUALLY.

One member of the Brighter English League wrote to say she found my talks so SPIRITUAL. What she meant was that my talks were WITTY or, at most, SPIRITED; full of what the French call ESPIRIT. But you can't translate the French word SPIRITUEL dnto the English word SPlRITUAL. SPIRITUAL means something solemn, sacred or even divine, which is not at all WITTY or amusing.

If you're interested in the PINGS, I'll tell you more about them. Individually they're very friendly. But when two or more get together they're quite impossible. They never can agree on anything. Very few PINGS are on speaking terms with other PINGS. But you'd never realize it when you first meet one. He's most accommodating and accepts everything you say IN PRINCIPLE.

Now, if in England you can get an agreement IN PRINCIPLE, the details are never difficult to arrange. But in PINGLAND you only agree IN PRINCIPLE when you're resolved not to agree IN PRACTICE. You do that by arguing over all the details.

In such circumstances in England you would suggest a COMPROMISE - that is, that both sides should yield a little and split the difference. In PINGLAND there are no COMPROMISES. To suggest a COMPROMISE to a PING is a deadly insult. You've actually dared to suggest that someone else's point of view was as good as his.

The most a PING will agree to is to refer the dispute to arbitration. There are arbitrations going on all the time in PINGLAND. But before you can start your arbitration you've got to find an IMPARTIAL arbitrator. Now you would have thought that IMPARTIAL meant neutral and unbiassed, wouldn't you? It does, but in PINGLAND, it means something more. In PINGLAND an IMPARTIAL arbitrator's someone who is quite unbiassed but nevertheless realises the absolute justice of your particular point of view.

Such ideas are sometimes found in other countries. A colonel from the southern part of the United States once walked into a publisher's office in New York and said, "I've brought you the manuscript of an IMPARTIAL book on the American Civil War, written from a Southern point of view."

If you use that definition of IMPARTIAL, it's naturally a bit difficult to get both parties in a dispute to agree on an IMPARTIAL arbitrator.

That's one of the things you have to face in PINGLAND.

Good night.