LET'S SPEAK ENGLISH:
Broadcast: Monday, August 21, 1939 at 9:00 PM

Twelfth and Last Talk of New Series - Vocabulary

I. Proper use of words with similar meaninqs :-
a) Statement, Speech, Conversation, Lecture and Talk
b) Estimate, Order, Invoice, Bill and Account

II. Incorrect use of:-
a) Canalization instead of Drainage
b) Become instead of Receive.

III. Difference between:-
a) Attend and Attendant
b) Satiate and Satisfy
c) Enjoy and Entertain.

IV. Abbreviations :-
a) E. & O.E.
b) C.I.F.
c) F.O.B.
d) L.A.C.
e) N.C.O.
f) R.N.

V. Words that should never be used in Palestine:-
Ideology.

TRANSCRIPT: TWELFTH TALK - VOCABULARY

Let's begin with a few words with almost similar meanings, such as 'statement', 'speech', 'conversation', 'lecture' and 'talk'. All of them are in constant use in Palestine, aren't they ?

Now a STATEMENT is a formal announcement. You can make a statement in Parliament or in the newspapers. You can have a statement of policy, if you really want one, Personally I've got quite enough already, thank you.

A statemenj can be made orally or in writing; but a SPEECH can only be delivered by' word of mouth. A speech is a formal oration to a definite audience. There are so many of them in Palestine that they might very well be taxed - say at the rate of a pound an hour. The money could be used to support a Home for the Deaf - those who suffer from having listened to too many speeches.

In Pinglish, however, the word 'speech' is often used instead of the word CONVERSATION. A conversation is an exchange of ideas between two or more people and is supposed to be at least a dialogue. But how many conversations have you listened to that are only monologues ? A monologue's all right when you do all the talking, but not when the other man does it.

Such monologues are really LECTURES. A lecture is not a conversation as it is made by one person. Nor is it a speech because it has an element of instruction in it. I could lecture this evening about The Prospects of Ballooning in the Coming Decade. But you wouldn't listen, and I wouldn't blame you.

Now a lecture is formal instruction to an audience. A TALK is informal instruction. My broadcasts on Brighter English are talks, not lectures. There's one advantage in delivering talks over the wireless: you can't interrupt, whatever I say. Even when I insult you, which I do with the greatest pleasure, you can't tell me to sit down. Ah ha!

Talking of broadcasting, will you do me a great favour. Please say 'The news is not good today' instead of 'The news are not good today'. 'News' is a collective noun which takes the singular and not the plural. I don't ask you to say that the news is good today, because it never is.

Having dealt with the world of talks, we now come to the world of finance, Do you know the difference between an Estimate, an Order, an Invoice, a Bill and an Account ? Well, I'll tell you ..

An ESTIMATE is the probable cost of something. If you build a house, the architect first gives you an estimate. In Palestine this bears little relation to the real cost, which is always about three times as much as the estimate. I suppose that's because estimates in Palestine are always worked out on the bottom of cigarette boxes: there's never enough room on them for all the items.

Assuming, however, that you're satisfied with the estimate, you then place the ORDER. That means that you authorize the work to be put in hand at your expense. In Pinglish, however, you say 'I hereby enclose the invitation'. When your builder gets that, he puts on his best suit and comes to tea. The correct phrase is 'I hereby place the order'.

Having placed an order for some goods, you then wait six months.

When goods arrive they're accompanied by an INVOICE. An invoice is a list of the goods sent, with the cost of each, so that you can have a record of what you've received, and wish you hadn't.

Having received the goods and the invoice, you wait for the BILL.

Having sent you the bill, the dealer then waits for his money. You keep him waiting just to show him what a fool he is to be a dealer.

Having eventually paid your bill, you enter the amount in your ACCOUNTS. These are records of money received and spent. They're supposed to show your profits and losses: in this country, all they show are your losses.

Now we come to some Pinglish words, such as CANALIZATION.

Canalization means to make canals, such as the irrigation canals in Egypt. But canalization - or rather - canalizatzia - as it's called in Pinglish - is used in Palestine for putting drains into house or sewers into streets. But the correct word in English is DRAINAGE. That's what Tel Aviv's so pleased about nowadays: it's going to have some drainage!

Then we have the word to BECOME, which means the process of changing into something else. But among Pings the words 'to become' are used as if they were the translation of the German word behommen, which means to RECEIVE; I saw a Pinglish translation of a story the other day in which it said that 'some weeks later the Queen became a beautiful little baby'.

Now we come to some tricky words which look as if they meant the same thing, but don't.

If you're one of those queer people who go to public meetings, you can say you ATTEND the meeting. But that doesn't make you an ATTENDANT; An attendant in a public building is one of the employees who shews you to your seat or who's in charge of the cloakroom.

Something very strange happened to me once in a cloakroom. I wanted to engage a new messenger boy for my office and, when I found a smart lad whom I thought would do, I told him to start work by hanging up my hat and coat in the cupboard. When I went out, some hours later, I opened the cupboard to get my hat and coat. Inside the cupboard I found the messenger boy, standing in the dark, almost suffocated for lack of air, with my hat and coat in his hand. "What on earth are you doing there?" I asked. "I thought you wanted to see if I was patient", he replied. He certainly was!

Then there are the words SATIATE and SATISFY. You can satisfy your thirst by drinking. Probably you'll drink one queer Palestinian concoctions that pretend to be made of orange or grape fruit juice. but taste like soap. One of them is said on the label to satiate the thirst.

To satiate, however, has a sense of fatigue about it. You feel satiated when you've eaten too much.

Now we come to the problem of abbreviations. Let's take 'E. and O.E.' that you sometimes see at the bottom of bills or bank statements. That means 'Errors and omissions excepted'. In other words, if they've undercharged you, you'll still have to pay the difference when the error or omission is discovered later. It's a warning that they're not responsible for their own mistakes - the dirty dogs!

When the military administration in Palestine was replaced by a civil administration in 1920, General Bols handed over the country to Sir Herbert Samuel, the first High Commissioner. As a joke, General Bols made out a receipt saying 'Received one Palestine' and gave it to Sir Herbert Samuel to sign. The new High Commissioner signed it, but only after adding the letters E. & O. E. - 'Errors and omissions excepted'.

Now we come to the letters C.I.F. which you see in quotations of the cost of imported goods. They mean that the cost includes customs, insurance and freight. In other words, it's the cost of delivering the goods in Palestine. c.I.F. is the opposite of F.O.B. F.O.B. means that the goods are to be delivered free on board - that is, free on board ship in the country of export; and that you have to pay the cost of customs, insurance and freight to Palestine.

Then there are three warlike abbreviations: L.A.C. and N.C.O. and R.N.

An L.A.C. is a Leading Aircraftsman. He's a fully trained member of the Royal Air Force, as distinct from an ordinary man in training. Colonel Lawrence became a leading Aircraftsman but always refused promotion to the higher ranks on the ground that he was illiterate. And this from the author of the 'Seven Pillars of Wisdom'! I once asked Bernard Shaw whether he thought Lawrence was a great writer. "No", he said. "But what about the 'Seven Pillars of Wisdom', I asked ? Shaw replied. "You can't have a European war every time Lawrence wants to write a book".

An N.C.O. is a non-commissioned officer, such as a lance corporal, a corporal or a sergeant. The British N.C.O. is extremely good and is the backbone of the British Army. He knows everything and does everything whereas the Lieutenant knows nothing and does everything. The Captain knows everything but does nothing, while the Major knows nothing and does nothing.

You must be careful when you see a man with the title Captain, R.N. R.N. means Royal Navy, and a captain in the Royal Navy is far more important than a captain in the Army. A Captain in the Navy commands a battleship and is the equivalent of a Colonel of a Regiment in the Army and of a Group Captain in the Air Force.

In the eyes of the British sailor, foreigners are divided into four ethnic groups - the Dutch, the Dagoes, the Niggers and the Chinks. The Dutch are all the blond peoples - the Germans, the Danes, the Norwegians and the Swedes. The Dagoes are the Latin races - the Italians, the Spaniards and the Portugese. The Niggers are all the brown races and the Chinks are all the yellow races.

That's a very simple division, for the British sailor has no complicated IDEOLOGY. That's a word I hate: 'ideology'.

An ideology is merely a point of view or a political programme : but in order to make it sound important it's called an ideology. The Oxford dictionary defines it as visionary theorizing and I hate it with all my soul.

Instead of getting on with the job, people in Palestine waste endless hours arguing about minor differences in their ideologies. Everything in Palestine is dominated by ideologies. If you have an orchestra with five cellos, the Agudat Israel or the Revisionists or the Settlers from Aden will demand that a sixth be employed from their party because their particular ideology must also be represented.

The first thing a new Jewish political party in Palestine acquires is an ideology. Secondly it gets some headed notepaper: thirdly it publishes a bulletin. Next, it creates a youth movement complete with uniforms and banners and lastly it founds a labour exchange for its own particular members. And all this because of its special kind of ideology.

Oh! Ideology. What crimes are committed in thy name.

Let me end my twelfth and last talk in this series by announcing the results of the competition last week. I received revised versions of the laundry advertisement from 54 competitors. The three best versions were sent in by: -

Miss Malka Frankel, Government Press Bureau, Jerusalem; Miss M. F; Day, Jerusalem; Listener X.Y.Z., Room 48, 36 Jaffa Road, Tel Aviv.

The autographed copies of the booklets of talks to be published tomorrow will be sent to them as soon as possible.

My own version of the advertisement is as follows: Dear Sirs, We accept laundry by weight and by piece. We are specialists with great experience and guarantee the quality of our work. Owing to the depression, our prices have been reduced. We are not responsible for anything lost or missing. We take this opportunity of inviting you to partonize our establishment. Yours respectfully.

Many competitors made the mistake of saying 'we guarantee for the quality' instead of 'we guarantee the quality', which is correct. But the general level of the versions sent in was very high and I congratulate all the competitors on their efforts and send my condolences to all those who did not win prizes.

Thank you for your patience in listening to these talks. Perhaps some day I'll give another series. Meanwhile good-bye and good night.